However, it seems that I'm at the age when my slowing metabolism is a sad, anemic truth. Exponentially compounded by a fat cat lifestyle in Surbubia, CA, where my mom folds my laundry and my grandma cooks dinner nearly night, my somewhat adorable "pooch" is now more of a "pouch where bad snack choices simmer and die."
As a result, I've resolved to hit the gym this summer but I have yet to go in the last, mm, oh, about 30 months or so. I tried to motivate myself by shopping for the perfect pair of gym shorts (which, I'm convinced, does not exist without some excruciating semblance to adult diapers). I proudly held up an albeit all-too-pink Nike drawstring bag for K to see, to which he wrinkled his nose and said "I think you shop for gym accessories more often that you actually go to the gym." Umm, yeah, excuse me, but I gotta look cute when trolling for my next boyfriend.
That night, I finally came to the realization why I'm resisting going to the gym: I avoid the gym because I don't know what to do with my bangs.
First world problems, right? In addition to lacking pink gym accessories, and, ya know, the pain, I don't know what to do with my bangs. I hate when it gets sweaty because they do that horrid separating thing I hate. (Anyone else? No? Just me? Okay...) On the other hand, I have a 5head that is only ameliorated with full, sweep-y bangs.
Btw, 5head: adj. a forehead that is unusually large/long, and therefore surpasses the regular "fore" (pun for "four") to a "five." Famous 5heads: Rihanna, Tyra Banks, Christina Ricci, Luke Perry. Check out this TMZ gallery for more slopey 5head goodness.
One of these days, I'll hit the gym like the good ol' times. But for now, brb while I load up my mp3 player with gym-worthy songs. For, you know, when I "work out."
3 for Spencer.:
Our gym here sucks compared to your 24. And it takes me 20 minutes to drive there, which is a long time considering I only spend about 1 hr working out. 30 Day Shred, yo! And you can do it in your underwear.
"That night, I finally came to the realization why I'm resisting going to the gym: I avoid the gym because I don't know what to do with my bangs."
HAHAHA story of my life. Clip them bangs up, trust me it's worth the 5head when you work out.
A. You're not fat. That's another hour of cuddle time.
B. You don't have a five head, and even if you did you would have the most attractive five head ever.
C. That next boyfriend comment just earned you a full night of forced cuddling.
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